Am I so hurt by all the times that I've been rejected in my previous years that I enjoy being the one that rejects the others now?
I said I felt bad about them... but part of me enjoys it... and I think that is a bad thing. I wish I didn't... I wish I could be just simly happy with what I have and what I am.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
I think I had a stroke
Well, I finished my exam yesterday. I didn't study much after all. I also wrote it in english, the professor let me do so. I don't think I have many chances to pass, but I also belive in miracles.
I didn't do absolutely nothing today, only sleep, eat, saw Gundam Wing, and I also had a nap. As I was napping I think I had stroke.
My hole body began shaking, both my hands, and my jaw, I also couldn't open my eyes. I remember my ex girlfriend used to shake a lot when she relaxed before sleeping. But today it lasted about 20 or 30 seconds... my heart also increased its heart rate, was pretty weird.
Anyway... with the excuse of the exam I skipped classes the whole week, but I think I'm gonna go tomorrow.
Yesterday I also drank a lot. I really woke up not knowing where I was. I think i made up with a russian girl, that a friend of mine likes (fortunately he wasn't there yesterday). I really don't understand myself when it comes to liking girls.
There's this Czeck girl that likes me, she had tried a lot of ways to be with me, but I always reject her. She's not too ugly, but it's the fact that she's after me what gives her no chance at all. I also began thinking in my ex, now that she has a new boyfriend.
It's like a want the acceptance of other people before I try to be with someone. I also was with a lot of girls that my friends wanted to be with. I think that when another person is interested in that girl, then it is really then when I begin to like her. I feel awful. I wish physical appearanse wouldn't be a such a great matter to me when it comes to pick a date.
About my love life: I had only one girlfriend for about 2 and a half years. It was really great, I really treasure those moments, although I already learned that it is over and it's gone. When we first met with my ex girlfriend, she had a boyfriend. He was living in a foreign country for some time, and the saw eachother only 4 months a year. So again, in a way, I stole her from someone.
Then when I came here in September of the last year, I met an Ucranian girl, a model, I'd have never expected that a girl like her could be with me. After being 9 months devastated with the rupture of my previous relatonship, I finally thought that I've found a new person in my life.
But she also had a boyfriend. We were toghether several times, untill her boyfriend came to visit her. Then my new golden age went to a dark age. I felt heartbroken again, and all my efforts and hopes gone to waste.
Then a month ago, I understood that it was wrong to think that she could be THE new person in my life. Because of the language issues we didn't comunicate a lot with eachother. So she really didn't knew me THAT well... neither I really knew her.
I don't belive anymore in love at first sight. I think that to really fall for somebody you should know her a little bit at least. You cannot be in love with a fisical appearance.
So... yesterday I met a Hungarian guy, which I used to hang out with. We dind't saw eachother for at least 6 or 7 months, so the first thing he reminded me was that ucranian girl. And for my surprise he told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Another version from another guy was that she has a new boyfriend here.
I don't know what to think anymore. I think I'm gonna let this one to stay in the past, and not think to much about the contras of being alone, but its pros.
It is the first time in at least a LONG LONG time that I'm not really interested in anyone. It's a weird feeling... but at least it's better than to feel heartbroken.
'Till next post
I didn't do absolutely nothing today, only sleep, eat, saw Gundam Wing, and I also had a nap. As I was napping I think I had stroke.
My hole body began shaking, both my hands, and my jaw, I also couldn't open my eyes. I remember my ex girlfriend used to shake a lot when she relaxed before sleeping. But today it lasted about 20 or 30 seconds... my heart also increased its heart rate, was pretty weird.
Anyway... with the excuse of the exam I skipped classes the whole week, but I think I'm gonna go tomorrow.
Yesterday I also drank a lot. I really woke up not knowing where I was. I think i made up with a russian girl, that a friend of mine likes (fortunately he wasn't there yesterday). I really don't understand myself when it comes to liking girls.
There's this Czeck girl that likes me, she had tried a lot of ways to be with me, but I always reject her. She's not too ugly, but it's the fact that she's after me what gives her no chance at all. I also began thinking in my ex, now that she has a new boyfriend.
It's like a want the acceptance of other people before I try to be with someone. I also was with a lot of girls that my friends wanted to be with. I think that when another person is interested in that girl, then it is really then when I begin to like her. I feel awful. I wish physical appearanse wouldn't be a such a great matter to me when it comes to pick a date.
About my love life: I had only one girlfriend for about 2 and a half years. It was really great, I really treasure those moments, although I already learned that it is over and it's gone. When we first met with my ex girlfriend, she had a boyfriend. He was living in a foreign country for some time, and the saw eachother only 4 months a year. So again, in a way, I stole her from someone.
Then when I came here in September of the last year, I met an Ucranian girl, a model, I'd have never expected that a girl like her could be with me. After being 9 months devastated with the rupture of my previous relatonship, I finally thought that I've found a new person in my life.
But she also had a boyfriend. We were toghether several times, untill her boyfriend came to visit her. Then my new golden age went to a dark age. I felt heartbroken again, and all my efforts and hopes gone to waste.
Then a month ago, I understood that it was wrong to think that she could be THE new person in my life. Because of the language issues we didn't comunicate a lot with eachother. So she really didn't knew me THAT well... neither I really knew her.
I don't belive anymore in love at first sight. I think that to really fall for somebody you should know her a little bit at least. You cannot be in love with a fisical appearance.
So... yesterday I met a Hungarian guy, which I used to hang out with. We dind't saw eachother for at least 6 or 7 months, so the first thing he reminded me was that ucranian girl. And for my surprise he told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Another version from another guy was that she has a new boyfriend here.
I don't know what to think anymore. I think I'm gonna let this one to stay in the past, and not think to much about the contras of being alone, but its pros.
It is the first time in at least a LONG LONG time that I'm not really interested in anyone. It's a weird feeling... but at least it's better than to feel heartbroken.
'Till next post
Monday, May 26, 2008
Trying to study
I really wanted to study today. I did it so for a couple of hours. Then I went to sleep.
I wope up when my roomie told me I had visitors... a couple of italians came, we played Pro Evolution Soccer and Rockband con my 360. It was cool altough I thought the whole time that I should be studying.
I have a couple of mates, they are in the same study as I am. I've known them for at least 4 years now. I guess they are also in the "friends" status. They aren't bad people, but they take every chance to remind me how lazy I am. I laugh, but deep inside I don't like it at all. I admit that I'm not the most active person, but another thing is when people look down on you and consider you useless.
I guess I shouldn't preoccupie about them, but I can't help it. I wish I could teach them a lesson by having a higher score in a subject, but that ain't gonna happen...
* * *
On other news I saw Cloverfield... pretty good film, but maybe that's just because I like everything that's related with apocalipsis, post apocalipsis, zombies, and all that stuff. Wish I knew why... there must be a psicological reason for that, but I do not know it.
Also I began to remember Fensler films... pretty funny if you remember the PSA advices on GI Joe. These are my top 4:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLnWlLTqu4Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qu51vkm0SuQ&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJQcJBjObEc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-_Sls1LzMI&feature=related
Well that's it for now. See ya in the next entry
L
I wope up when my roomie told me I had visitors... a couple of italians came, we played Pro Evolution Soccer and Rockband con my 360. It was cool altough I thought the whole time that I should be studying.
I have a couple of mates, they are in the same study as I am. I've known them for at least 4 years now. I guess they are also in the "friends" status. They aren't bad people, but they take every chance to remind me how lazy I am. I laugh, but deep inside I don't like it at all. I admit that I'm not the most active person, but another thing is when people look down on you and consider you useless.
I guess I shouldn't preoccupie about them, but I can't help it. I wish I could teach them a lesson by having a higher score in a subject, but that ain't gonna happen...
* * *
On other news I saw Cloverfield... pretty good film, but maybe that's just because I like everything that's related with apocalipsis, post apocalipsis, zombies, and all that stuff. Wish I knew why... there must be a psicological reason for that, but I do not know it.
Also I began to remember Fensler films... pretty funny if you remember the PSA advices on GI Joe. These are my top 4:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLnWlLTqu4Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qu51vkm0SuQ&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJQcJBjObEc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-_Sls1LzMI&feature=related
Well that's it for now. See ya in the next entry
L
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Einleitung (Presentation)
Hello everyone, and welocome to my Blog.
This is my second time trying to put up a blog. What is it gonna be about? I don't have a clue.
I'm a very ciclotimic guy, so it is going to depend whether I'm in a good mood or a bad mood. Right now I think I'm in a positive constructiv mood. That's why I'm giving blogging a second chance.
About me: I'd rather stay anonymus right now, but I can tell you I'm a product of globalization, like all of you, but maybe a just a little further.
You see, my dad is european and my mother comes from Latin America. I was also born in Latin America, so you could say pretty much that my family is unique (or just odd, pick your choice).
So, if my main language is spanish, why the heck am I writing in english? Well, most people in the world do... that's why. Maybe in a couple of years from now I'll begin to write in chinese... who knows.
Right know I'm in a junction point in my life. I'm 23 years old, and I'm in that point of life where you have to decide what are you gonna do for the rest of your life... by yourself of course.
So, right know I'm in my room, in a little quiet town in Germany, it's saturday night (I oughtta be outside drinking and having fun with friends right know... but I have an exam on Wensday, I failed it once already and I feel gulity... i know i know... turn off the pc and go to study, but cut me some slack...) I'm listening to Chris Cornell umplugged album (I really recomend it to you all) and just doing some thinking.
I'll try to express my point of seeing the life in this blog, and it would be great if someone is reading this and thinking "hey that dude thinks the same way (or at lease a little bit) I do" . If so, please leave a comment, it would be always appreciate it, and if you think the oposite way, just don't, I'm sure you got other usefull things to do with your life.
* * *
I don't know if you have any experience in living in a foreign country. It has it's pro and cons, let me tell ya.
On one hand, I don't comprehend the language pretty well till now... so I'm having a lot of problems comunicating with other people. Classes are simply imposible for me to follow, and it would seem like the hole world is 2 gears above you.
On the other hand it's a great chance to know about other cultures, to know that there's people out there with a whole different perspective of life. You have experiencies, you get to know places, taste new food, new drinks, and at least for me, it's a whole new way of knowing myself.
Being away from home it's simply tough. I miss my family and my friends down below, but what is "home" really? I don't know if what my last place of residence before here was what I want to call home.
I was born in Buenos Aires. But so what? I don't feel being argentinian... it was just the piece of ground where my mother was when I was born. I also don't feel any proud from my mother or fatherland, so what am I?
I mean, I'm writing in english, being in Germany, I drink german beer, eat argentinian alfajores, watch japanese anime, hear american bands, etc. and there you go the reason I like to call myself a child of Globalization.
I felt always like a zebra between horses. I know a lot of people feel this way too. I hope I can find my fellow zebras in some point in my life, in german there's this word: "Heim" we don't have that word with the same meaining in spanish, so It's hard to explain, but it's just the place where you really find part of it.
Anyway, that's all... I just wanted to put some feelings and thoughts out of my chest. Thanks for reading.
Till next entry.
Me
This is my second time trying to put up a blog. What is it gonna be about? I don't have a clue.
I'm a very ciclotimic guy, so it is going to depend whether I'm in a good mood or a bad mood. Right now I think I'm in a positive constructiv mood. That's why I'm giving blogging a second chance.
About me: I'd rather stay anonymus right now, but I can tell you I'm a product of globalization, like all of you, but maybe a just a little further.
You see, my dad is european and my mother comes from Latin America. I was also born in Latin America, so you could say pretty much that my family is unique (or just odd, pick your choice).
So, if my main language is spanish, why the heck am I writing in english? Well, most people in the world do... that's why. Maybe in a couple of years from now I'll begin to write in chinese... who knows.
Right know I'm in a junction point in my life. I'm 23 years old, and I'm in that point of life where you have to decide what are you gonna do for the rest of your life... by yourself of course.
So, right know I'm in my room, in a little quiet town in Germany, it's saturday night (I oughtta be outside drinking and having fun with friends right know... but I have an exam on Wensday, I failed it once already and I feel gulity... i know i know... turn off the pc and go to study, but cut me some slack...) I'm listening to Chris Cornell umplugged album (I really recomend it to you all) and just doing some thinking.
I'll try to express my point of seeing the life in this blog, and it would be great if someone is reading this and thinking "hey that dude thinks the same way (or at lease a little bit) I do" . If so, please leave a comment, it would be always appreciate it, and if you think the oposite way, just don't, I'm sure you got other usefull things to do with your life.
* * *
I don't know if you have any experience in living in a foreign country. It has it's pro and cons, let me tell ya.
On one hand, I don't comprehend the language pretty well till now... so I'm having a lot of problems comunicating with other people. Classes are simply imposible for me to follow, and it would seem like the hole world is 2 gears above you.
On the other hand it's a great chance to know about other cultures, to know that there's people out there with a whole different perspective of life. You have experiencies, you get to know places, taste new food, new drinks, and at least for me, it's a whole new way of knowing myself.
Being away from home it's simply tough. I miss my family and my friends down below, but what is "home" really? I don't know if what my last place of residence before here was what I want to call home.
I was born in Buenos Aires. But so what? I don't feel being argentinian... it was just the piece of ground where my mother was when I was born. I also don't feel any proud from my mother or fatherland, so what am I?
I mean, I'm writing in english, being in Germany, I drink german beer, eat argentinian alfajores, watch japanese anime, hear american bands, etc. and there you go the reason I like to call myself a child of Globalization.
I felt always like a zebra between horses. I know a lot of people feel this way too. I hope I can find my fellow zebras in some point in my life, in german there's this word: "Heim" we don't have that word with the same meaining in spanish, so It's hard to explain, but it's just the place where you really find part of it.
Anyway, that's all... I just wanted to put some feelings and thoughts out of my chest. Thanks for reading.
Till next entry.
Me
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